dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
