WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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