I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
