Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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