she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
