You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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