i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Terrible idea I love it
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
