Her vagina should come with caution tape.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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