You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
