I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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