I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
