we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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