I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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