im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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