Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
