Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
