You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
