Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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