I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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