So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
