...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
is that a dick in a sweater?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
