This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Nicole vs. Life
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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