i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize