Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
