On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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