Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
