i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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