I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
