dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
