I swear god or herbie drove my car home
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
