I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
