I'm so fucking centered right now
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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