So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
