this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
