she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
