its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
