is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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