and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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