that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
