In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
