he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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