Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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