dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
