Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
