I never want to see another naked old woman again.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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