dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
