I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
