I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
