My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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