It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
