I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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