As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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