Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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