I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
